Holding onto the Towel, Nice and Tight.

What I mean by that is, I am not "throwing in the towel".  This has been a weird and somewhat eye-opening week for me.  I started out the week (last Wednesday) with a weight of 245.0.  I was full of motivation to work my butt off and break through that five for this week's weigh in.  I hit the gym Wednesday for the first time and broke a great sweat doing some cardio.  The next day I tried my hand at a spin class with my sister-in-law.  We did great, got a fantastic work out and went waddling on our way.  Friday I had a busy day but squeezed in 35 minutes on my elliptical and walked quite a bit in the evening.  Saturday I went back to the rec center with Andrew and Munchkin.  I took my first yoga class and loved it!  After yoga, Owen was having a bit of a meltdown and we left.  When he went down for a nap that afternoon I did 50 minutes on my elliptical.  Sunday we had a lunch date planned at P.F. Chang's, so in the morning I got up early and did 35 minutes on my elliptical before church (I believe that was a first).  Monday night I went to my first step class.  It was much more difficult than I expected it to be... not necessarily because of the exercising part was extremely hard, but because I wasn't expecting it to be choreographed and so quick-paced.  Yesterday I had planned on doing elliptical during Munchkin's nap, but after the previous six days of activity and exercise (that my body is NOT used to) I ended up using it as a recovery/rest day. 

So.  All this to say, starting with my weight at 245.0 last Wednesday, the number crawled up, and up, and up throughout the week, ounce by ounce.  What the %#@! ??  Were my meals perfect?  Of course not.  But did I eat more veggies and less processed crap in that week than I have in months?  Definitely!  So you can see why I'm confused.  I've kept my calories between 1300-1600 every. Single. Day.  I haven't exercised so much in one week in about three years.  Back then, the weight seemed to "fall off".  I don't know why I'm having a harder time this time around.

My weight this morning: 243.8  (-1.2lbs)

I'm thrilled to be under the 5, and even more thrilled at the idea of being in the 230s for the first time since I was pregnant (although at this rate it'll be June before I've lost those four pounds!)

That being said, I'm not finished yet.  The me of 12, 6, 3 months ago would've given up already.  And I'm just not there.  I have other factors driving me and giving me motivation other than the shape of my body right now, and that's what this post is about. 

- Exercise makes me feel good.  Doesn't matter what it is or if I'm enjoying it in the moment, if I can start and finish a work out, I feel proud of myself.  I feel more energized.  I feel confident.  Those are all wonderful things!
- My insides are changing.  I might not see progress in the mirror right now, but I can feel it in little things, like the way my digestive system is happy and not giving me any issues, and the quality of sleep I'm getting, and the fact that I can actually ride on a stationary bike for 55 minutes without falling over. 
- My son.  I look at my son and covet his energy and his ability to constantly move.  I want to foster this in him as he grows in any way I can, and that will require me to be more active.  I want to keep up with him and set good examples for him as he ages, that having fun doesn't necessarily mean sitting in front of the television or videogames or computer (like so many kids today think).  Andrew and I share a past that involved playing outside, riding bikes/rollerblades, sharing family meals at the same table, reading books, playing sports (or at least trying, in my case).  These are all things we want for our kids and it will be harder to set that example if we're both a couple of lazy, sedentary duds.
- My future.  It has taken six years to gain almost exactly 100 pounds.  It terrifies me, petrifies me, sickens me to think about what life for me would be like in another six years if I don't change this path.  I want more children, I want to grow old with Andrew, I want to travel and love on grandbabies and possibly great-grandbabies, God-willing.  None of these things are possible without health, and I need to be controlling as much of my health as is humanly possible.

Wow.  I'm glad I did this today.  I can't say it's not all about numbers on a scale or a pair of jeans, because the fact of the matter is that I am currently in the "obese" category and need to drop my body fat percentage about 10%.  I can't say I don't care what I look like or that I'd be perfectly happy as a 16 or 14 or 12 for my entire life.  But I can say that I know physical activity and a healthy, nutritious diet play a big part in the life I want for myself and my family.  So, week by week, whether I see a drop on the scale or not, if I know I've put in the hours at the gym, if I know I've broken several good sweats, if I know I've eaten more green foods than brown, that's what matters.  I surrender myself to that. 

On a completely different note, I finally took my side-by-side photo.  For whatever reason, it doesn't seem to want to upload to this page.  I can tell you, though, that seven pounds and 6.5 inches has made a difference, albeit slight, that I can see.  My tummy looks a little flatter, but my butt looks higher, if that's at all possible.  So I guess the classes and the resistance training are helping back there!  Now, if only it would shrink a bit....