Life... food... laziness...

Wow.  Well my last post on this blog was approximately 2-3 months before I got pregnant.  During my pregnancy I lost 17 pounds (for no reason at all, wasn't sick or anything, doc said it just happens with some women).  This was perfectly okay with me.  I didn't keep my activity up much and I definitely ate whatever was in front of my face whenever I felt like it.  At the end of my pregnancy I came out +4 pounds.  Not bad, right?  After Owen was born I lost 22 pounds in the first three weeks.  I felt invincible!  Super Mom, unaffected by food or beverage, fabulous big boobs and a freshly-flattened tummy.  Didn't last long.  Super Mom was defeated by... duh duh duhhhh.... the Sugar Monster.  You know those things people say about eating "whatever you want while breastfeeding because it doesn't stick"?  Total and complete bull.  I've learned first-hand that if you're going to lose weight breastfeeding, it's in your blood.  I quickly gained back the 22 pounds (plus a few...) and now I'm at an all-time high of........ not telling.  Did you think I was going to tell?  Only one other person in this world knows and that's because she has to love me know matter what (thanks Mommy!) 

After a pretty surreal and depressing sit-down with my wonderful mother, I realized that I am slowly killing myself with what I'm putting in my body.  We discussed my health and the potential (and very real) consequences.  What it comes down to is this:  I need to be healthy.  Thin would be fantastic, but health is the number one goal here.  I have a very young son, I'd like to give him lots of adorable brothers and sisters.  I'd like to give them all a healthy and active upbringing.  I'd like to show them that there is more in this life than deliciously poisonous high fructose corn syrup and addictive video games/internet/tv.  I am currently the perfect example of the average American woman-  Overweight.  Sedentary.  Lazy.  Well, ladies and gents, this is about to change, and I hope you will all witness! 

I've done this before.  I had the trainer, I had the food program.  I had the resources.  I gained back all of the weight and I went back to all of the terrible eating habits I had before.  Obviously this is a hard thing to change and these are hard habits to break.  The healthy habits were proving hard to restore until this talk I had with my mom.  It was eye-opening and inspiring and terrifying, all at the same time.  So here we go.  Round 2 of  Hayley vs. Food & Couch.  Hayley's gonna come out on top this time, peeps.

After a spontaneous trip to Winco late last night, our refrigerator is now stocked with fresh vegetables, lean meat and lots of eggs, cheese and milk.  The cabinets are stocked with peanut butter, quinoa and Sweet n' Low (gotta have it for me tea.  Not backing down on this one.)  Today marks day one of Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet.  I've never tried a "diet", and this one seems more like a lifestyle than a "diet" anyway.  The diet was created by Dr. Arther Agatston.  He's a cardiologist and hopefully by the end of this week I'll believe he's a genius, as well.  The "diet" is broken up into three phases.  Phase 1 consists of lean protein, fresh vegetables, salads, reduced- or non-fat dairy, and eggs.  No carbohydrates, including complex carbohydrates.  This means no fruit.  At this point, the no-fruit-thing doesn't bother me.  I do believe, however, by the end of the next thirteen days I'll have a new found appreciation for fruit and it's natural sugars.  Here's what is still/was on the menu today, to give you an idea of what an average day of Phase 1 looks like:

Breakfast:  1 whole egg + 3 egg whites, scrambled.  I added Benefiber to them (turns out you can add that stuff to anything.  Weird.)  I then sprinkled some colby jack cheese on top of the eggs.  This was 264 calories. 
Snack:  1 low-moisture part-skim mozzarella string cheese.  80 calories.
Lunch:  3 cups of baby spring mix salad, 1/2 a medium-sized orange bell pepper, 1/8 cup of sliced almonds and 2 tbsp of Lite Northern Italian dressing, all mixed together.  I also had a small protein shake made up of chocolate whey protein powder and water (chilled overnight.  If it's not cold enough it's harder to drink, honestly.)  Lunch was 340 calories.
Snack: one Yoplait Light Fat-Free Very Vanilla yogurt and 2 tbsp of peanut butter.  I love peanut butter and was perfectly content to just eat if off a spoon.  This girl hates celery.  The yogurt was 110 calories and the peanut butter was 190.  (...I'm just realizing in this very moment that peanut butter is very high in calories...)
Dinner tonight will be this:  3oz chicken tenderloin, grilled on the stove in olive oil and various spices, homemade marinara and reduced-fat mozzarella cheese.  A healthy spin on chicken parmigiana, if you will.  We will also be having a salad like I had with lunch. 

I'm trying to stick to the same exact meal plan for breakfast and lunch every day during Phase 1, but will mix up dinners.  Dinners will be rotated with this chicken and salad dish, a turkey sausage minestrone (compliments of ColorFuel, best recipe I ever tried) and a turkey and quinoa chili (also compliments of ColorFuel). 

Andrew is following the majority of this as well.  We're including 4-5 days of walking per week and I will be doing at least 2 days a week of weight-training.  Wish us luck!!!

Oh boy.

Well, here I am, 2 months and 1 day since my last update. You can safely assume that I've made no progress, weight-loss wise, and I've been horrified at the idea of giving you all that information. But now that it's out of the way...

I just got over a wicked case of bronchitis, or something very bronchitis-like. I've been on the bench for the last 4ish weeks, and tomorrow is my first day back at the gym. I'm feeling very.... indifferent. I'm not nervous or excited.... I'm not really sure what to expect. I suppose you could say I'm a little anxious. I've been trying to keep up with my food, but as far as exercise goes, it's been for the most part non-existent. I've been on a few walks in the last week, but the first few weeks I was basically on bed rest. I hope I'm never in that situation again, but I suppose when you only get sick every few years it's on natural for it to hit you hard.

I'm not sure what's up with my weight, and I'm not really sure what's up with my attitude. I feel defeated, and I sometimes feel like a failure. Like I've failed myself, but more importantly, I've failed all of you and all of the people I had a part in inspiring in the beginning. Maybe I should be thinking more about me and less about you, but that's just not natural for me.

I talked to a friend last week about how I've been feeling, and I came to a realization. I knew there would be physical plateaus, and I expected them, and I was prepared for them. What I didn't expect or prepare for were mental/psychological plateaus. In the beginning of this "plateau", the first weeks when I wasn't down or I was up a teensy bit, it didn't affect me much. I felt like maybe there were things I needed to improve on (truth: I knew there were things I needed to improve on.) But week, after week, after week, after week.... well, it builds up like a big ball of fiery self-doubt and pity, and that has gotten me nowhere. I know that I need to "go back to the drawing board" or "start from square one". I need to get back to the mindset I had a year ago when I knew this was what I wanted, and I believed I would reach my goals. I need to remember WHY I'm doing this, and think about my precious (future) babies who I will want nothing more than to have a healthy life.

Thoughts and prayers will be greatly appreciated on the next leg of this journey.

p.s. Sorry this was such a downer! Love you all!

ColorFuel!!

So, once again, it's been a while! I hope all of my "followers" (creepy) are doing wonderfully and enjoying 2010 so far. :)

First of all, I'll allow you all to give me a cyber-pat-on-the-back. I'm back in the game, back on track, and throwing myself full-fledged into my new lifestyle of choice. Thank you, thank you. A dear friend of mine (aside from when she's torturing me) started a FABULOUS new food program. Anyone who wants to lose weight and/or get healthy needs to visit www.colorfuelfitness.com S.T.A.T.!

I am SO excited about this. I started the plan on Tuesday, and my weight is down two pounds... in two days... seriously. I came into this feeling discouraged, emotional and negative. And now, two days later, I see how silly I was being. IT'S WORKING ALREADY! :)

I just feel so happy. I'm loving the way my body feels, and sooner or later I'm going to (crosses fingers) see some pretty amazing results from this. I encourage all of you to check out this plan. It's simple, it's fun, and it works!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to eat my afternoon snack (blueberry smoothie... yummmm!)

Reality.

First of all, Merry (belated) Christmas! I hope you all had as lovely a holiday as I did. We were blessed with many opportunities to spend time with loved ones and we truly enjoyed it.

Onto the point of this. Wow. It's been a LONG time since I updated, and I feel the need to explain why. Losing weight is HARD. Actually, no. The commitment is hard. It's painful, and it's tough, and it's challenging, and sometimes I hate it. I've been having a rough time, people. My weight hasn't gone down (since my last update), and it's a result of many things combined.

This is a hard time of year. As I get older, and as life happens, the holidays become a harder, sadder, more difficult time. I find myself feeling lonely, or exhausted, or sad, or sleeping a lot. (This, I believe, is because of a recent family loss that I'm not going to get into right this moment.) On top of all this, I still struggle with my eating habits (the bad ones). The last ten or so years of my life I "ate my feelings". I ate when I was happy, when I was sad, when I was angry, when I was bored. My instincts still tell me to eat when I'm feeling any and all of these things. They don't, however, tell me to go for the Muscle Milk when there's a perfectly good bottle of wine in the fridge. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

So I guess the purpose of this update is to let you all know I'm human. I still struggle every day to make the right choices, both with food and exercise. I skip my cardio sometimes because it's the last thing I want to do in the whole world. Other times I break down and have a few cookies. It's still a challenge for me to stop and think before I make that choice, and it probably always will be. But the right choice is worth it in the long run, friends!! Someday I WILL achieve my fitness goals, and I WILL be able to wear those jeans that have been in my "shrink into" pile for years, and I WILL be able to stand in a full-length photo without cringing about the outcome.

I hope you all believe me when I say that I know this is hard. I need you to know that I don't always make the healthy choices, and I need you to know that I haven't forgotten my commitment to this new life I'm making for myself and my family. You're all such amazing friends, and you're so encouraging and supportive, and you're GREATLY appreciated. I gladly accept all forms of constructive criticism and positive reinforcement, and I hope you'll all let me know if you need it as well.

HERE'S TO A NEW YEAR, A FRESH MINDSET, AND A NEW LIFE!

THERE'S A 1 ON THE SCALE!

That's right, folks! I broke that darn tootin' (lol) zero this week, and all I can say is "sigh".

To date, I have lost 30 pounds, and just over 30 inches off my whole body! I am SO proud of myself, and SO thankful for all of you. For your encouragement when I get discouraged and your praise when I succeed. You guys are the best!

I recently read an article in Health magazine about a woman who lost 125 pounds. I would type out the whole thing for you, but I'm not sure if that's legal. I'll just give you the jist of it. Her wake-up call was the day she realized she was ONE SIZE AWAY from the largest size Lane Bryant carries. This was in August of 2006. She made small changes to begin with. Cut out soda COMPLETELY (not really an easy change, but a GOOD change), but it wasn't until the following November that she got herself to step onto a scale. She weighed 293 pounds. She felt she needed to do something drastic, so she signed herself up for a water-aerobics class. As for her diet, the only changes she made (IN THE BEGINNING) were these: 1) She shrunk her portions and 2) she cut out fast food. Soon enough she started to feel better and had less pain in her knees and back. With the relief from her physical pain, she started walking, cycling and lifting weights. By July of 2008 (just a month shy of two years), she had dropped 125 pounds. Her original goal with this was just to feel better, and now she feels like she can "really live" (sue me, Health Magazine, for stealing that one quote.) She's thirty years old, started out a size 24-26, and is now an 8-10. If I could find a way to get her photo up on here I would, because she looks FANTASTIC.

So the moral of the story is that it's possible. This was such an inspirational story for me, and I hope it inspired some of you, too! If you're already in great shape and don't need to lose weight, I hope it inspires you to keep going and spread the word! And if you do need to get healthy and lose weight, I hope it shows you that YOU CAN DO IT. I believe in each and every one of you, and I love you all!

What a Whirlwind Month!

Well it appears that it's been a good six weeks or so since I last updated. I can officially say I've lost 30 POUNDS! And I feel fantastic!

September was a hard month. There were a LOT of emotions and mental obstacles that taunted me and tried to get in the way of my goals. It was hard; harder than I expected it to be. But it will soon be October, a new month, a new century (I'll be in the 100s instead of 200s) and new clothes, of course. :)

Lately I've been getting a lot of compliments, and I'm so thankful that people are noticing the outcome of my hard work. However, it's still pretty awkward. I'll have to get used to people looking at me and critiquing my every move and everything I put in my mouth, but what I want more than anything is to set a good example for other people and show them "it" can be done.

I've also been hearing "If only"s and "I really need to do that"s and "I wish I could do it"s. Well guess what, people- YOU CAN! I've confided in a couple of people that I don't really know how to respond when these comments come up. Both agreed that "you can" is the best response. It's SO doable. It's hard, it's painful, it's emotional, but it's WORTH IT. I have a tendency of trying to take responsibility for you. ("You" are the people who WANT the results but make every excuse to get out of working for them.) I can't make you do anything. All I can do is encourage you and tell you over and over and over and over and over again that you can do it, even if it means telling you a thousand times before you get your butt off the couch.

PLEASE don't get me wrong. I HAVE BEEN THERE. We all have different stories and different experiences, I know. But at the root of that we all have something in common. We want to feel good. We want to LOOK good. We want to live long and healthy lives. We want to be able to ride in the car without unbuttoning our jeans on the way home from work. (Seriously. That's a big one for me.)

I also know it's hard not having an accountability partner and feeling like you're in it "alone". So this is my vow. As long as you need my encouragement, I'll give it. As long as you need my prayers, I'll ask them. As long as you ask for advice, I'll share. But I'm starting this new month with a promise to myself that I will try not to focus on you. I'm going to focus on me. YOU focus on you. Deal? Deal. ((handshake)) In order to meet my goals and accomplish my aspirations in my new life, I HAVE to focus on me. I don't really have much of a choice anymore. Maybe when all is said and done, I'll be a trainer, and I'll kick all of your butts. ;) (Kidding.)

*sigh* Now that I got that rant out of my system, I can move on to other things! Andrew has lost so much weight, as well! He started this journey at about 215 pounds on his 5'10" frame (as of the first week of June), and as of this morning weighed in at a lean, mean, running-machine 181 pounds! That puts him 6-10 pounds from his overall goal, and I am SO proud of him. He's such an amazing person. So supportive, so encouraging, and ALWAYS holds me accountable. I may be tempted, but he knocks the ideas of cookies and pasta right out of my head with kind and motivating words, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Way to go, babe!!

I've also decided to devote more time to myself. I'm home alone often, which I love, but I tend to spend all of that time watching trashy tv or playing on Facebook... I'm going to try to find a couple of hobbies. This time of year I love to knit, paint and draw. I also love to journal (e.g. Blogspot.) I just feel like I need more things that are mine. Things that I don't have to share with Andrew, or friends, or anyone, really. So if anyone has any ideas, please share!

Everyone have a fabulous week! I won't wait so long to update next time. Love you all and thank you for your encouragement and love!

Really??

I looked like this? SERIOUSLY? Going through my photos today I think I realized for the first time how much I've changed. I know other people see it, because they don't see me as often, but when I see myself every day the change is much more gradual. I just wanted to show everyone the last (and probably only) full-body "before picture" I had before this whole process began. This was a friend's wedding in January of this year.

So the last few weeks have been KUH-razy busy. We've been spending time with family we haven't seen in nearly two years, and falling in love with their children. Our niece, Anaiah, is almost 2. We hadn't seen her since she was just a few months old. And our nephew, Evan, is 6mo. This is the first time meeting him. They got here a couple of weeks ago, and so far we've crammed a good six weeks of visiting and entertainment into the last few. It's been such a blessing, getting to spend this time with them. They are VERY loved and GREATLY missed when they're in Africa.

Last week was a VERY good week. (I'm typing a lot in all caps, because I'm excited tonight, for whatever reason.) We spent four lovely days in McCall with immediate family and we had such a good time. Lots of visiting, lots of lake-time, lots of down time. It was relaxing, and we all loved it.

I ended up going an entire week without seeing Jen. This has happened twice now, since we started together, and both times I've been out-of-my-mind nervous. But both times have produced good results.... this last time I lost nearly 7 POUNDS in a WEEK! :D I was (and still am) so excited, and SO proud of myself. (This week the results weren't as good, but there are extenuating circumstances, if you catch my drift...)